His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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