We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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