dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
