my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
