Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
