he told me I talked like a deaf person
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
