I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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