my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
