So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
