his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
