I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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