I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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