You work out of a Hotel?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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