dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
