I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize