I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
