She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
