i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
