toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
