Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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