and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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