So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize