just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
