im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize