Just fell off a train. Bad.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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