I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
