i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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