I must be too annoying 4 u.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
