You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
COCAINE IS GR8
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
