I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
