Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
