D3 body, D1 cock
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
