I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
