I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
