You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
