you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
