did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
