I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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