my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
