Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
