I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
