puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
