I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
