he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize