the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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