I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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