I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize