so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
