just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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