I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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