Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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