Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
