"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize