I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
