drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
