The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
