what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
