i would punch a child for taco bell
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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