Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
