Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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