if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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