Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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