Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
