Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
