We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
