I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
