discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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