ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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