If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They took my balls.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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