Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
