remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize