dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
