So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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