I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
