and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
