So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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