really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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