using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
