Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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