U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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