I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
