My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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