Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
