you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
