I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
