three words: i give head
three words: not that well
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
