Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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