Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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