The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
