i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
