my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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