Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
