First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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