So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Nicole vs. Life
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize