how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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