Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
