I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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