you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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