also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
