pop tarts are not kleenex
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
