we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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