Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
