i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
