ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
