He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
