she was so not down for the gang bang
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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