he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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