Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
