why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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